THE DAY THE SKY WENT DARK

I arrived too late to catch Laurent – he had left briefly before I appeared at their door. Politely, I exchanged greetings with everyone before I explained what the reason of my visit was. Naturally, I had to answer their questions concerning my family’s departure from Forks; I simply pointed out we had started to be ostentatious, not ageing a single year, especially Carlisle who declared to be 33, though he looked barely 25. Of course, I saved details for myself. They did ask about her, after all.

“Why are you travelling on your own? Is the rest of the Cullens keeping an eye on Bella back home?” Irina wondered innocently.

Her words, the mere idea of her being still a part of my family caught me off guard, even though I had tried to prepare myself for questions of that kind. I gulped in an effort to shake off the invisible strangling hand on my throat and tried to compose my face as much as I could.

“Bella… um… she stayed behind in Forks,” I started, concentrating as much as I only could to sound casual. “She decided to finish her school in there since it’s her final year, while I’m going to settle the Victoria matter. Which brings me back to the purpose of my visit here,” I finally managed to change the subject. I think I wouldn’t have lasted much longer, the void had been devouring me from the inside all the time I was forced to think about her, to talk about her, to lie to my family’s friends… And their minds told me they bought it.

Eleazar rose. “Well, I assume we shouldn’t hold our young friend off,” he announced. “Please, do pay us a visit as soon as you have spoken to Laurent, and stay,” he added kindly.

“Thank you. Of course, I will,” I answered with a polite smile.
I darted out into the woods. Laurent’s scent was quite fresh, so I had no difficulty to catch him with my enhanced speed; after all, I was the quickest of our family. He recognized me immediately.

“Edward.” He nodded to greet me. I responded the same way.

“Have you been looking for me?” he asked. Had he expected some of our family would turn up sooner or later to discuss Victoria with him?

“So… where are you actually heading?” I started the conversation nonchalantly.
Laurent didn’t raise his head to look into my eyes. He cleared his throat before he spoke.

“I’m going to take a break from Denali. You know, before I came here, I had been roaming all over the world for some 300 years. I kind of miss it,” he pointed out with a half-smile. He looked up to meet my penetrating gaze and showed me his eyes for the first time. They were utterly black with thirst and I was wondering what their colour was when he was full.

“Oh, I see,” I said indifferently. “Um, tell me, how do you put up with vegetarianism, you know what I mean?” I decided to ask openly.
He raised one corner of his mouth amusedly. “You mean how successful I am not eating people?” It was a pointless question since we both knew what we were talking about, but I gave in to his game.

“Yes, that,” I replied simply.

“Let’s say it’s an interesting experience,” he spoke cool-headedly, looking straight into my eyes. “However, animals are a poor substitute for human blood. Naturally, I keep the house rules as long as I’m here… Mostly, I hunt wolves.” his teeth flashed in a casual smile.
“Naturally,” I smiled back. But once you get out of here, you’re going to eat the first person to step in your way, I thought for myself. He clearly had no idea about my little talent.

The small talk was over. I didn’t mean to lose any more time. As long as Victoria was on the loose, Bella was in grave danger. “Now… Victoria. Tell me, do you ever get to see her?” I got straight to the point.

“Well,” Laurent inhaled deeply. “I ran into her a couple of weeks ago. She didn’t stay, she knows she’s not welcome in Denali, not only due to her feeding habits, but also because of what happened back then, you know. Eleazar’s coven consider Carlisle as their own family.”

“Did she tell you what her plan was? I mean with Bella…” Go ahead, show me what you know! I thought.

“Bella…” he pronounced her name silently. I was listening to his mind while I was pretending to be eagerly waiting for his vocal response. He considered how much he should tell me – if anything at all. He didn’t want to prolong the silence, so he got back to me way too early for me to see their conversation in his mind.

“Your human pet… Indeed, Victoria has her plans with the little one. She’s been waiting to be forgotten and then – strike. Eye for an eye, that’s what she wants. But it won’t be an easy death… As well as I know Victoria, I can say she’s… how shall I put it?” Laurent was trying to find the most suitable words, but I could see what he meant.

“…a twisted sadist,” I breathed.

“Exactly,” he nodded.

That was enough. I didn’t want to see or know what she was preparing for Bella, it would drive me crazy right away.

“I have to go back to Eleazar now. Thank you for your help and enjoy your trip.” I could see that Bella didn’t concern him, so I could just let him take off in peace.
“You are welcome. Goodbye,” he replied and set off for his journey.

I wanted to be alone for a while to think it over and decide what to do next. I sat down onto a stub, my head felt heavy with sorrow, it sank into my hands and I closed my eyes. Laurent’s mind told me that Victoria was headed for South America, which was good. Bella was safe for now. I needed to track Victoria and hunt her down as soon as possible. Should I have some of my family go back to Forks undercover and keep an eye on Bella?

Bella… Bella… Bella… her name started ringing and echoing in my head potently, and I could almost smell her scent in my mouth which began to fill with venom…
I’m hell-bent on saving her this time! As she turns her pained face away from me, heading for the sinister greenwood darkness, I concentrate the hardest possible to gather my willpower; I must seize my speed and strength and rip Bella out of the Reaper’s embrace. I don’t care who the monster is, how grim or strong, it doesn’t concern me if I die fighting it… but she has to live! I’m slowly getting closer, I’m within reach now and I can hear the echo of her hyperventilating, choking back her weep. It hurts so much, but at the same time it gives me new strength to keep on trying, to claw my way through the stubborn thorny shrubs. Only seconds are left before I’ll look in the eyes of a murderous –

“It will be as if I’d never existed.”

ME.

“Edward! What happened? Edward!”
A distant voice. Somehow familiar. I slowly opened my eyes to a different reality. Denali. A wood. The familiar voice belonged to Tanya. I was still sitting on the stub, while she was kneeling in front of me, her face wry with concern, her hands clasping my shoulders. She must have been shaking me. Her eyes were roaming about my face, waiting for some kind of an explanation.

“Tanya,” I breathed. “What are you doing here?” I said the first thing that flashed into my head.

She looked away. “I… wanted to make you go back to our place… and talk,” she confessed eventually. “I thought I would ask you to come and stay with us… for a while,” she smiled at me.

I inhaled deeply. “Tanya, I’m afraid I’ve got to go now. Victoria is lethal and erratic; I need to take her out as soon as possible. Now that I know where to search – “I tried to explain, but she didn’t let me finish.

“– I know what you told Eleazar wasn’t quite the truth, Edward.” She was winding a lock of her fair hair, her eyes glued on my face.

“I know you, Edward. I could see how much effort it took you to talk about her. The anguish in your eyes… You’re not together anymore, are you?” Tanya eyed me thoroughly, considering how effective her words had been. They sank in with the weight of the whole universe. I could take the mask off now, it made no sense to lie anymore.

Tanya sighed to see my sullen face and asked silently: “Why?” She knew that one word would be torturing enough.

It took me several moments to find my voice.
“I… had to. It was a never-ending menace to her life when she was staying among vampires.” Tanya decided it was time I stopped whining.

“What you did was a headless and stupid thing. You’ve left her totally unprotected in our world, a world she should never have learnt about. That is a menace to her life! It’s much worse than leaving her a vulnerable human! Get a grip, Edward!”

Her words were like a knife stabbing my heart again and again. I never craved for anything in the world as much as I was sick for being with her. I felt halved, absolutely indecisive what to do next. Part of me wanted to set off for Forks immediately, the burning desire to bury her in my arms, to hide her away from the wicked world. The other part told me I should keep the promise I had given to her – it will be as if I never existed… I began to regret having started such a conversation at all.

Do you want me to leave you alone? Tanya thought. I just looked up and nodded once. She patted my back in sympathy and tactfully disappeared in the greenwood, not giving any more words or thoughts. At the same time, my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I recognized the melody I had set for Rosalie.

“What is it, Rose?” I asked without greeting her properly. She wouldn’t call me out of the blue just for fun. Something had to be going on.

“Hello, Edward. I think… there is something you should know…” she started talking hesitantly.

“What happened, Rosalie?” The gloomiest foresight embraced my entire existence. I couldn’t stand the desolate tension.

Rosalie took a deep breath and carried on: “You’re right, Edward. Something has happened. It’s really bad news. The others weren’t sure whether to tell you or not, but I believe you need to know.”

I was listening breathlessly, waiting for the death-blow to come. Now I was certain it would.

“She… she committed suicide, Edward. I’m talking about … Bella, you know? You must be strong, though. We are still your family, ready to support you…”

Her last words dissolved in a pain attack. I was deaf and blind with anguish; my heart split into thousands of black little pieces, as there was no other purpose for this useless dead thing to exist. My sun faded away, the stars collapsed; the moon diverged from its track and vanished in the outer space. My sky got utterly black. She was the light of my life, even if we were not together. I knew she was somewhere in this world, alive, though not mine… It was so unbelievable she ceased to exist! How could I exist now that I lost all my hope, faith, desire…? Suddenly, a memory flashed into my tormented mind; the literature class when we’d been watching Romeo and Juliet, and Bella and I’d discussed suicide, the choice I’d envied Romeo so much. “If I wanted to die, I’d provoke the Volturi,” I told her then. Yes. There was an option.

My fan graphics

(c) EC

...serious...

The obsessions begins...

From Breaking Dawn

Inspired by New Moon (lyrics: The Cure, If Only Tonight We Could Sleep ♥)

Are you afraid?

*sigh*

I couldn't sleep...

Yes, I'm a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan, too...

Joss Whedon and Charlaine Harris Talk Edward

 >>HERE<<

The Examiner reports, “In this video, Whedon [creator of Angel and Buffythe Vampire Slayer] talks about the Twilight series with some semblance of adoration (as well as gives kudos to Robert Pattinson), but ultimately concludes that his character, Angel, would beat Stephenie Meyer’s Edward Cullen in a fight.”

YES, perhaps Angel is an awesome fighter, but Boreanaz is far from being as hot as Pattz is. What do you think?

...and fun!

Midnight Sun inspiration

CEDWARD. Hah, yeah, I'm a Harry Potter fan, too... I like when diverse worlds blend and make a mess like that! :D

HELPLESS

I’d been running for endless hours when I finally forced myself to stop. It was the first time I rested since I had said my farewell in the woods in Forks. I felt like there was a huge hole in the middle of my chest, the hole that had opened its greedy mouth and swallowed my bleeding broken heart to leave me an empty shell.

I lifted my head to see how high the sun already was. It seemed like another sunny day was dawning. I came too close to the populated area, which meant I needed to stay out of the human sight. I walked out of the forest to the sea shore. I loved the autumn sea, its distinctive, chilly smell; the coastline framed with stones and trees whose tops looked as if they were on fire, tints of yellow, red and orange, bleeding into each other. Today, I couldn’t perceive any of the beauty. My eyes were veiled with grief and thus ignored all the splendour as I strolled among the stones. I needed a perfect hideaway; people would come to the beach on a sunny day like that. I took a steep, ironbound path upwards and kept walking until I noticed a slot in a rock on the very top. I advanced toward it in my inhuman pace to find out the slot was actually an eroded cave that perfectly served my purpose. I stepped inside and took a good look around. It was utterly empty. Just like me, I almost smiled wryly. I laid myself down and closed my eyes, just to turn out the sight. I completely stopped breathing and my body became absolutely still. A little while later, something very peculiar happened.

I was surrounded by walls of trees, the grass beneath my body slightly moist and soft. My usually flawless sight was being dazzled by the intense sun rays reaching down to me through the greenwood. I blinked several times and my eyes were slowly acclimatizing. I got up and started turning all the way round to explore the surroundings a bit, when suddenly something – no! someone! – drew my attention. I tried to recognize the figure standing motionlessly across the meadow, but my eyes were still not back to normal. I took a couple of steps forward… and winced. As much incredible as whole the situation had already seemed, this was starting to get really crazy. It was her!

“Bella?” I mouthed, but no sound came out of my throat, as if I were mute.

I reached my hand out, but she kept standing perfectly still. She stared at me with her liquid chocolate eyes that were reflecting anguish of the magnitude that was on the verge of bearing. We stood like that, silently gazing on each other for countless moments, which actually felt like hours, until she slowly turned her back to me and started walking into the woods. I lifted my foot in an effort to follow her, and I found out that my motion was protracted manifold; it was even much slower than the human pace, not to compare it with my usual vampire speed! What kind of a twisted reality was that?

She was gradually retreating while I was trying to catch up – with my ridiculous slow-motion-picture pace. Eventually, she disappeared in the darkness of the wood, and fear embraced my weakened existence; there was something dreadful lurking for her out there, I knew it! She was walking towards her certain death and I was left here helpless. I stopped and listened, but I couldn’t hear anything in this peculiar wood, which only amplified my loneliness and worry… the horror of her death.

My eyes snapped open wide. I was gasping aloud, my head was swimming and my idea of time and space wasn’t much sensible. It took me several minutes to recover from the weird condition. Finally, I was me again. I eyed the place thoroughly and remembered where I was. The cave. I was pondering what could have happened to me. The cave looked very normal. There was nothing inside, apart from me, a couple of cobwebs hanging from the overhead, and a bit of dust and dead leaves. Besides, I didn’t believe in magic. I looked out; surprisingly enough, it was getting dark outside. That weird state of mind must have come from my own mind. How long had I been… what? Unconscious? Not likely. Vampires don’t just black out. I ran out of ideas very quickly. If I were human, I would be able to sleep. If I were able to sleep, I might say it was some kind of a dream state. A nightmare.

And my abilities? I stepped out of the cave and thoughtlessly jumped off the rock. Free fall. I felt no fear. Was it the question of habit or was I becoming suicidal? In half a minute, I landed neatly on my toes. It was relieving to know that my vampire perks were back… That the weird world I tasted that afternoon was not real.

The sun had already set, so I decided to carry on running. Suddenly, my hand spontaneously reached the side pocket where my mobile phone dwelled. I hesitated a little while before I switched it on and found Carlisle’s number in the phone book. He picked it up immediately.

“Edward?” his voice was eager and worried at the same time. I knew my father well; he must have been thinking something was wrong because I phoned.

“Hello Carlisle, yes, it’s me,” I replied politely.

“What’s the matter, son?” he asked impatiently.

I tried my best to explain what had just happened to me. He listened silently without interrupting my story, which made me sure that he was as helpless as me. When I finished, there was a long silence on the phone.

“Carlisle?” I wasn’t sure whether we were still connected.

“I’m sorry, Edward, I’m here, of course. It’s just that I’m thinking hard, considering options. You see, I’m probably the most experienced doctor alive, but vampire anatomy and especially … neurology is absolutely undeveloped, for obvious reasons. What happened to you is very rare, I believe.” He paused again but this time, I didn’t dare ask. I was waiting patiently instead.

“Edward,” Carlisle spoke again, his voice uneasy. “I think it best if you join us. If you are here, I can observe you and see what happens with you when you’re “gone”. Perhaps we could even figure out what the trigger is…” he suggested.

“I don’t think it’s such a good idea, Carlisle... You know I have a mission. But thank you for your effort. I just thought you should know. Perhaps it won’t happen again. It might have been anything…” I tried to calm him down. I shouldn’t have called him. He’ll only be more worried now.

“Well, I’m not going to persuade you to act against your will, son. However, beware; I think your mind might be toying with you for some reason. If it happens again, you should give it second thought. We could take care of Victoria later, the whole family together, when you’re fine again,” Carlisle offered.

On the one hand, I understood he was troubled with my unusual condition and wanted to have me under his surveillance. On the other hand, I wasn’t dead sure if I wanted to be fine again… if not being with her in some kind of a dream at least wasn’t better than not having her at all… even though it was rather a nightmare than a dream. Seeing her standing in the greenwood was almost worth losing my mind!

“Thank you, father. I might reconsider it later. Like I said, perhaps it was the first and the last time it happened. I will keep you informed. I’m heading for Denali now; I want to meet Laurent and see if he can give me some information on Victoria.”

I could hear Carlisle sigh. He knew I’d always been stubborn. I missed him; I missed all of my family. But I couldn’t be with them these days. I was having hard time bearing with myself and I didn’t want to be mean to them, neither did I want to bother them with my issues. I’d already caused them enough trouble and pain.
“Alright, son. Whatever you need, please, just call,” he said kind-heartedly, and I could hear a shadow of sadness in his voice.

“Of course, I will. Give my love to Esme… but please, don’t tell anyone what the real reason I called was,” I begged him. I knew Esme would feel chagrined.

We said our goodbyes and I switched the phone off again to save the battery. If I set off immediately, I’d be in Denali before dawn.

ONCE FOR ALL

I was staring out of the window, through the wall of water that was pouring down from the steel grey sky against the window pane, skimming through my timeless memory. However hard I tried, I couldn’t remember a moment in my ten decades when I felt as hopeless, anxious and spellbound as I did now.

“It grieves me to see you like that, my son.” Carlisle’s thought interrupted the endless stream of my dark musing. I looked up to give him a lifeless smile as he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently.
“I’m sorry, father. I’ve never meant to bother you.” I hated to see how my selfish behaviour was slowly disintegrating my precious family. What was more, now even Bella wasn’t happy, not to mention my very own self.
“Edward... you do not bother me. It’s the helplessness. Esme and I, we both want you happy and contented. What happened with Jasper –“
“ – What happened with Jasper was just the beginning!” I burst in anger.
“My presence in her life will jeopardize her forever. I don’t want a life in terror for her.” To speak the murderous truth aloud was defeating.
Carlisle pulled his eyebrows together pensively.
“Human life in the vampire world isn’t very safe, indeed. Regardless, there are always some solutions for every situation, don’t you think?”
His kind eyes were trying to give me consolation. I could clearly see what kind of a solution he had in mind. I shook my head in disagreement.
“How could I...?”
“Son,” Carlisle didn’t let me finish. He didn’t need the mind-reading ability to see what I meant.
“I never said it would be an easy decision.”
I growled. “But I have already decided! I’m not going to turn her into a monster!” I realized I almost shouted now. My father didn’t deserve that from me.
“Carlisle, I’m so sorry... It’s just... I can’t stand it anymore. I need a change. Something must happen soon, or I’m going to lose my mind!” My trembling voice was low now, but far from calm. I tried to compose myself, even though I knew I didn’t have to wear a mask in front of him.
Carlisle’s face was sombre now. He took a deep breath while his eyes were roaming in the distance.
“I’m afraid there is no painless solution, son. You may have to make a radical cut to work this out once for all. Are you considering any other options than making her one of us?” His voice vibrated with deep concern.

I was. Both pictures were almost equally appalling; turning her into a blood-lusting killer, or leaving her, never to come back again. I didn’t know how I would exist without her anymore, she was all I cared about, day dreamed about… she inspired me; she made my ice-cold dead heart beat again… Bella made me want to live the eternity. I didn’t know how to live without her now that I knew what it was like to be with her. And yet I would hate to end her life selfishly. I wanted to believe that human pain can be healed with time passing. I so wanted to believe I was making the right choice.
“I....” I lost my breath. An invisible hand was strangling my granite throat, and I struggled to spit the words out.
“I think... if we leave Forks...” my voice broke and I couldn’t give any more words. I didn’t have to; Carlisle fathomed what I had tried to tell him. His face saddened a few more degrees.
“Are you serious about that? I mean, have you really considered this option? She’s what makes you happy, complete. Why should you abandon it?” he wondered incredulously.
A sigh escaped from my dry lips. “Like I said. I can’t stand being a perpetual menace to her life,” I explained with a trembling voice. “If I leave, she can lead a normal life – “
“– can she?” Carlisle chopped in. “She’s not an ordinary girl. And, in fact, I think she loves you more than her own life –“
“– she will get over it. This is not her world. She belongs with someone who can stroll in sunlight with her, someone who breathes and has pulse and can conceive children…” I had to stop. This conversation headed nowhere. It was killing me only to picture the future without her – her future with someone like Mike Newton –, and to pronounce it gave the nightmare real contours.
“You don’t have to go with me if you wish to stay in Forks,” I offered. Carlisle’s head snapped up.
“If you are leaving, the rest of us is, too,” he said with his voice firm.
“Thank you,” I breathed. My family was what I sorely needed.
“All of us can be together again,” Rosalie said, walking into the room. Her facial expression was unreadable, but I could hear what she was thinking. You’re doing the right thing-
“I’m not going to listen to this, Rosalie!” I glowered at her.
“What’s going on?” Carlisle asked, dazed.
“Look,” Rosalie began hurriedly, “personally, she was none of my concern… until my family ended up smashed to pieces.”
At that instant, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I snapped it open to see it was Alice.
“Edward, don’t you dare!!!” she thundered. “I saw what you’re up to! Why don’t you just turn her?” That was too much for me to take. I shut the phone down furiously and switched it off. If vampires could suffer from headache, my head would crack with pain in a moment.
“Let’s. Just. Not. Do. This.” I pronounced through my gritting teeth.
Carlisle finally spoke again. “Let’s not torture you any longer. Please, do what you have to. I’ll handle the rest. We can leave this afternoon. You’ll catch up on us as soon as you’ve… you know.”

Suddenly, I wasn’t sure whether it was such a good idea to be staying with them at the beginning. Of course, I loved and needed them, they were my support, kept me company. Also, my mind-reading ability was very useful for them… But would I stand their compassionate looks now after I have ripped my heart off the chest? Could they stand having me in front of their own eyes broken and sore, day after day, decade after decade? Eventually, I had one more good reason to set off for a nomad journey. Temporarily, at least.

“Father… There is one more thing I have to do… it may take much longer than…” I swallowed and lowered my head. Carlisle looked at me with concentrated expression.
“What is it, Edward?” he asked.
“Victoria.”
The vampire mate of James’s. The one enemy I let loose, the one enemy who would certainly come after Bella sooner or later. The one enemy she made because of me. I owed her that much. The last thing I could do to keep her alive.